Why are you still cutting onion?

Hey y'all! I'm doing great, except for the dreaded finals that are creeping up on me like a toddler after a doughnut left on the table. It makes me wonder; what should I learn to make my life better? So far I have come up with the following: how to deep fry a turkey, how to drive on the left side of the car and how to take in a suit jacket. Any suggestions?